Dichotic Memory
by spiketherat
Summary: Spoilers for 1x05. A event from Toby's past told two different ways and seen from Ray's point of view.
1. Take 1: Gone too far

The phone call came at one thirty, the sudden harsh ringing jerking him out of another night of restless sleep.

"This is Constable Donald Wilson from Toronto PD, 53rd Division, Is that Dr Mercer?" The caller's tone was official but not grave and the seed of hope that that had emerged when the phone rang started to blossom.

"You've found him."

"Found who sir?... We've picked up a street kid on potential burglary charges," the officer continued without waiting for a response, "he won't give us his name and is asking for you."

Relief flooded through Ray, it was Toby, of that he was certain. "I'll be there in half an hour," he replied ending the phone call as quickly as possible. Ray dressed hurriedly, forcing himself not to start to worry, after all he couldn't do anything till he got there. Despite his efforts a nagging doubt began to surface, while it wasn't really a surprise that the police or someone would ring him eventually, it was concerning he was getting the call now, and it sounded as thought it was before the social services.

He made it in twenty minutes, with the streets being quiet, and the lights kind to him, but it was another thirty before he was actually allowed to see for himself that it was Toby. Wilson, the Officer in charge wasn't letting on much, but his reaction, and the scramble to get someone from social services out, when Ray had informed him that Toby Logan was not only runaway from the care system but also only 15 years old, made Ray suspect that Toby had tricked them into believing he was much older.

The result was that Ray was made to wait for social services to find and send a case worker willing to deal with the runaway. At least being listed on Toby's files as his psychologist provided him with a bit of leeway and he stood quietly behind the one way glass in the observation room as they brought the teen up from the cells.

He was cuffed when they brought him in and Ray wondered briefly what he'd done to deserve that honour, especially now they knew he was a juvenile. Apart from the cuffs and being pretty filthy, Toby didn't look anything like as bad as Ray had expected. Sure he looked tired, thinner, and his hair was greasy and even wilder than usual, but considering he'd taken off over 3 months ago he looked basically well, and more importantly together. That, the together part, was the bit that Ray had been most worried about.

Letting out a soft breath Ray tried to clear away the worry and think clearly. 'Hello Toby?'

Toby jumped, his startled reaction immediate, blue eyes swinging round to stare intently at the one way glass, a slight hint of a smile breaking out on the serious face. After a moment the dark head tilted slightly and the bright eyes started to lose focus. Ray schooled his thoughts as quickly as he could when he recognised the signs, Toby had been blocking, which was good, it meant he'd managed to keep control of his gift to some extent while on the streets. Now though he was open and 'listening' intently.

'It's been a long time Toby; did my number slip your mind these last few months?' Ray thought pointedly.

Toby's lips quirked again, and he looked down rubbing at the mark the cuffs left on his wrists. After a moment he hooked a foot round a nearby chair, pulling it to him and sitting casually conveying to Ray a complete indifference to the situation. Frustrated, Ray stood quietly; watching him closely wondering what was going on in that head.

After a few minutes Toby's head jerked round towards the door, his relaxed expression shifting to one of annoyance. Moments later the door opened and Officer Wilson strode in accompanied by Emily Simms, one of Toby's least favourite case workers.

'Easy Toby, you're in enough trouble.' Ray warned mentally, trying not to let his annoyance seep into his thoughts, Wilson had promised Ray that he would be able to speak to Toby as soon as possible and before any official questioning took place. It seemed Miss Simms had managed to persuade the police to do otherwise.

Despite Toby's initial resistance, some actually quite sensitive probing by Wilson, aided by Ray's mental encouragement finally persuaded the teenage to talk, and the story as to how Toby came to be breaking into a community arts centre in the middle of the night began to emerge.

It started with a girl, of course. Chantelle, and no Toby protested, he didn't know a last name or age. A fact that Ray thought was unlikely considering Toby's abilities. Although the telepath must have heard Rays doubts he insisted to the police that all he knew was she was a runaway, and from Arizona. Apparently she appeared on the scene about a month ago and hooked up with and dated a gang member 'Puggsy'. He expected Wilson and Simms had made the same leap as him, substituting the word pimp for boyfriend. Toby was being cagey but Ray could work out how Toby stumbled on the real nature of the relationship. After that it was clear what had happened, Toby was pretty impulsive and had a tendency to act recklessly when it came to things he read through the gift. The rules of the street ensured that after helping, or encouraging Chantelle to get out, the pissed off gang member would want Toby to find away to recoup lost earnings.

And that was how 15 year old Toby Logan found himself doing a little late night B&E. It was dumb luck for Toby that one of the volunteers, who had stopped by on his way back after a night out to finish up some paperwork, had noticed the damage and called the police.

With his age and cooperation taken into account, and Wilson implying that nothing had actually been stolen, it looked like Toby would be facing a judge for criminal damage charges. The remaining question was what to do with him in the immediate future. In the end, for once Emily and he agreed on the best course of action. The circumstances meant Toby would have to be put into an intake centre for the short term, most likely Breyat. If they took him there at this time of night there was little chance of a meal, a wash, or even much of a change of clothes, and as they both knew well, if the other kids were woken by the newcomer then there was no chance of sleep either. With Ray he could have a half decent sleep and the chance of looking presentable before a Judge in the morning. Maybe Ray's pointed "and at least you know he'll still be there tomorrow," was a bit harsh, but she'd dismissed his worries about Toby's growing 'dissatisfaction' with his time fostered at the Bensons and two weeks later Toby was gone.

Toby was beginning to look shaky as they left the police station and head to the car. he'd held it together for the interview but now Ray could see the cracks appearing. "How are you doing?" he prodded gently knowing Toby would understand what he was asking.

"Okay" came the quiet reply, then at Ray's, look and probably his disbelieving thoughts Toby continued "better now I'm out of there, Cops should learn to think quieter."

Ray nodded smiling slightly at the humour. It was clear that Toby was lying and heading for a serious crash but the best thing for Ray to do was get him home, fed, and rested. "So you want to pick up take out on the way back?" he asked.

He noticed as Toby glanced slyly at him as they reached the car, "Chinese would be good but I'm a bit broke right now," he said "you're going to have to pay...for the food and for that."

Ray looked over to the side of the windscreen where Toby was pointing, taking in the large, bright yellow parking notice. 'Who the hell gave out tickets at 2:00am' furious, Ray swore mentally and then swore again when he remembered the company he was in.

Toby was grinning at him, eyes shining with amusement, "Sorry Ray," he said but he didn't really sound it.


	2. Take 2: Too far gone

AN: Forgot to mention this in part one; had this scene in my head. It's set after Toby's time one the streets. But I couldn't make up my mind which way it would go, so I wrote both. This chapter is version 2. Epilogue for both parts to follow.

(thankyou for the review elfgirl, it wasn't me on yahoo though)

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**Take 2:**

The phone call came just after two, the harsh ringing jerking him out of another night of restless sleep.

"Dr Mercer? Ray? It's Emily Simms, we've found him." Her tone was grave and the seed of hope that that had emerged when the phone rang was crushed instantly.

"Emily? Is he okay? Where are you?"

"We're at St Michael's. He's not good Ray, he's..." She paused clearly struggling for the words. "...withdrawn, shut down, it's like before."

Worry, near panic, flooded through him, damn it Toby. "I'll be there as quickly as I can," he replied hanging up abruptly. Ray threw on some clothes as he tried to clamp down on the worry, telling himself he couldn't do anything to help Toby till he got there. But this was the worst case scenario. Emily was a curt, by the book, social services worker and he had never really seen eye to eye with her about how to handle Toby's case, so the fact she had seen fit to ring him was worrying.

He made it in fifteen minutes, not bothering with the speed limit, traffic lights or the risk of parking in a restricted zone. Emily was waiting for him just inside main doors for A&E. She nodded at him, and muttered a quiet thank you but didn't say anything else as she introduced him to the Doctor who led him through the harshly light corridors to the exam room Toby had been put in.

It was the first time Ray had seen Toby for nearly four months and the teenager didn't look good. He was lying on his side facing away from the door, his body curled up tightly under a blanket. Ray couldn't see much from where he stood except for one hand, clenched into a taunt white fist clutching at a clump of the dark greasy hair that poked out above the blanket. On the way to the room the doctor explained that Toby had sustained a blow to the head. Apparently witnesses said he hadn't lost conciseness but he had immediately become altered and distressed, and while the medical staff suspected the two were connected Ray knew better.

Taking a few calming breaths Ray tried to clear away the worry and think clearly as he moved round the bed to take a better look. 'Hello Toby', he thought softly.

Toby groaned, his pained reaction immediate, blue eyes flashing open quickly before clenching tightly closed again as he huddled deeper into the cocoon of blankets, face pressing tightly into the pillow on the bed. Ray schooled his thoughts, pushing down the shock as quickly as he could. Toby was overloaded, his mind struggling to cope with the barrage of thoughts it was receiving, and whatever had happened to him on the streets had stripped of the control they'd worked hard to exert over his 'gift'.

He reached out and rested a hand lightly on the blanket covered shoulder ignoring the flinch, and spoke lightly, "It's been a long time Toby, how are you doing?"

The blue eyes opened again briefly and Ray didn't need to be a mind reader to see the silent plea in them. He glanced around and pulled the nearby chair close to the bed. A blanket covered hand, the one not trying to rip out chunks of hair, was gripping the rail of the bed and Ray pulled the chair in closer and covered the hand in his. When Toby had first come to him completely unable to focus because of the 'voices' Ray had modified a simple experiment into dichotic perception to help Toby gain some control over his gift. Quietly Ray reminded Toby of those early exercises, and then sat with him hoping the calm familiar visualisations might help quiet the storm in Toby's head.

For a few minutes it seemed as though it was working, the tension slowly seeping out of the clenched muscles, then, abruptly, Toby tensed up again letting out a shuddering breath. Ray glanced about frustrated as he caught sight of Emily Simms striding back to the room with a uniformed officer.

"Easy Toby, just concentrate on your control" he whispered under his breath, trying to keep the annoyance out of his thoughts, the social worker had promised him time to get Toby back on an even keel before she let the police at him. Clearly the officer in charge had managed to persuade her to do otherwise.

He stood as they rounded the corner ready to confront put them off for a while when a light touch on his arm stopped him. "It's okay Ray." The voice was small and still shaky, but the blue eyes looked clear, and Toby was already trying to shift his position on the bed to face his would be inquisitors.

Ray sat back down close to Toby thinking quietly 'okay, I'm here if you need me', as the Officer Wilson introduced himself and explained the seriousness of the potential charges, criminal damage and maybe even attempted burglary.

Although obviously still not feeling 100% Toby was fairly cooperative, and after some actually quite sensitive probing by Wilson, aided by Ray's mental encouragement, the story as to how Toby came to be breaking into a community arts centre in the middle of the night began to emerge.

It started with a girl, of course. Chantelle a 17 year old runaway from Arizona. Apparently she and Toby had hung together for a couple of weeks before she moved on; hooking up with a gang member called 'Puggsy'. It was only later Toby had found out she was 'working' for him to clear a debt. Toby didn't elaborate but Ray could guess how he'd stumbled on the real nature of the relationship. After that it was easy to figure out what had happened. Toby had a tendency act impulsively especially when it came to things he read through the gift. So after helping, or encouraging Chantelle to get out, Toby ended up lumbered with finding a way to pay off her debt.

And that was how 15 year old Toby Logan found himself doing a little late night B&E. It was dumb luck for Toby that a large group of students were passing, noticed the damage and decided on a bit of vigilantism.

There was a bit of discussion about what would happen next, nothing had been stolen and technically Toby himself was a victim of an assault, though Ray suspected the mob didn't get more than a single hit in before the rage of 20 plus drunk and angry minds tore apart the last of Toby's finely held control. In the end it was decided Toby would make a formal statement at the police station in the morning and they'd take things from there, which just left the question of what to do with him in the immediate future. For once Emily and he agreed on what would be the best thing for Toby in the short term. The doctor wanted him watched for concussion if they were going to release him and a busy intake centre wasn't the best place for that. Ray was adamant that he wasn't leaving Toby in the hospital overnight which left his place, where at least he could get a meal and a shower and hopefully a half decent night's sleep. Emily agreed easily and Ray could tell she was still shaken by Toby's ealier state. He softened to her a bit and refrained from making a dig at her about her part in Toby's disappearance, despite the fact she was responsible for placing Toby in the foster home he'd run from.

Toby was still shaky as they walked out of A&E and to the car, he'd held it together for the interview but now Ray could see the cracks appearing. "How are you doing?" he prodded gently.

"Okay," Toby responded quietly, "closed down" then at Ray's look he added "I'm good, it's under control for now."

Ray nodding in acceptance noticing how he seemed get more relaxed the more distance they put between themselves and the hospital building. "So you want to pick up take out on the way back."

He noticed as Toby glanced slyly at him as they reached the car, "Chinese would be good but I'm a bit broke right now," he said "you are going to have to pay...for the food and for that."

Ray looked over to the side of the windscreen where Toby was pointing, taking in the large, bright yellow parking notice. 'Who the hell gave out tickets at 2:00am' furious, Ray swore mentally and then swore again when he remembered the company he was in.

Toby was grinning at him, eyes shining with amusement, "Sorry Ray," he said but he didn't really sound it.


	3. Epilogue

AN: Last part, thanks for reading. If you have time, review and let me know what you thought. I have a 2nd listener story, with an actual plot and everything, underway but I promise to get a beta-reader for that.

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It was just past eight when the bell rang and Ray, who hadn't been in the house more than five minutes, muttered a quiet curse as he opened the door. He'd been held late at the University for a Lecture that was not only dull, but also extremely long.

"Sorry Ray, I can come back." Toby was already ducking back down his drive as Ray opened the door, the telepath clearly having picked up on his annoyance.

"Toby, wait!" Ray thought it as well, knowing Toby would use that to judge his sincerity. "That wasn't directed at you, please come in." One of the biggest problems or failings, with the telepathy that manifested it's self through Toby, was the way it seemed he was only able to gain a partial insight into the thoughts of people he read. Often it would lead him to jump to the wrong conclusions. Ray wasn't sure if it was a facet of the telepathy it's self, Toby insisted he could only pick up on an individual's most immediate thoughts, or the way Toby was interpreting and reacting, often impulsively, to the input he received. Ray suspected it was a combination of the two, but without investigating further, experimenting, which was something Toby wouldn't readily consent to, Ray had no way of knowing for sure.

"A guest speaker that I invited to give a talk to my undergraduates has put me in a bad mood." He explained. "You Toby are a welcome distraction."

"That good eh?" Toby asked as he entered. "I take it he won't be getting an invite back?"

"Definitely not," Ray laughed and swung the door shut turning to face him. He was hovering in the hallway avoiding eye contact, a sure sign that this wasn't just a social visit. "Toby go straight through and sit down" Ray gestured to the lounge, as he headed to the kitchen to get them both beers. 'And you can tell me what I can do for you.' He thought, aware that Toby would pick it up.

"Am I that obvious Ray?" Toby asked when Ray returned with the drinks.

"No, I just know you well enough now" he passed Toby the beer as he took the seat opposite him. "So?"

"It's nothing really… Just some things have happened this week, well I got involved in some things, and I remembered that I owe you for Chinese and a parking ticket."

It took Ray a moment to get the reference, and then it clicked into place. The night Toby reappeared after over 3 months on the streets. For Ray it had brought to an end some of the most stressful weeks of his life. Weeks that at the time had him questioning whether he was wise to let himself get so involved with what should have been just an interesting case file.

The events of that night came flooding back with astonishing clarity. He remembered the stress and worry of that phone call and seeing Toby for the first time. He remembered stopping at the take-out after arranging to take Toby home for the night; Remembered Toby refusing to leave the car if it meant interacting with the restaurant staff or a room full of dinners; Remembered checking the parked car through the restaurant window every couple of minutes while he waited for the food, convinced that Toby would decide to take off again; He remembered Toby in the same room they were in now, half asleep on the couch, but still managing to shovel down forks full of fried rice and Kung Pao chicken; Remembered sitting with Toby over breakfast, before Emily Simms arrived to take him, pleading with him not to runaway again, hoping to convince him that it wasn't the way to solve his problems.

Ray broke out of his own introspection and glanced at Toby. From the look on his face Ray could tell he'd been 'listening', witnessing the events from Ray's point of view. "Well I'll take you up on the Chinese if you are happy to order in, but I'll let you off the parking ticket", he suggested before Toby got too broody in the way he tended too when being reminded of his past.

Toby nodded absently but he looked slightly haunted and Ray could tell he was still thinking about the things he'd seen in Ray's thoughts. Giving him a chance to 'process' Ray dug out a menu and left the job of ordering to Toby while he headed up stairs to finally get changed.

Toby was not the only one haunted by the events of that time, they haunted Ray as well. When Toby had been brought to him he had been a curious mystery. But it hadn't taken Ray long to begin to care deeply about him, and if not fill the role of a father figure then most definitely one of a mentor. Frustratingly though, most of the time he'd been forced to watch Toby's struggles from the outside. Even if there had been some way he could arrange his life to cater for bringing up a child there was no chance social services would have allowed it. The few case-workers that weren't suspicious of a single university professor in his forties taking a more than professional interest in a teenage boy were like Emily Simms, too entrenched in the system to think there might be a different solution to the problem that was Toby Logan. In the end though Ray knew he would always wonder if there was a way he could have prevented the child that had been entrusted to him, from growing up in the circumstances he had.

Sighing and pushing the guilt laden thoughts to the back of his mind Ray finished dressing and headed back downstairs. He found Toby in the kitchen trying to sort out dishes and find cutlery. Leaning against the counter Ray watched for a moment before deciding to press "So what happened to get you thinking about Chinese food and park tickets?"

Toby paused for a minute and glanced up, "I got involved with trying to help this street kid."

"And it reminded you of your own time on the street" Ray filled in, "so did you manage to help?"

"Honestly?" Toby looked slightly guilty, "I don't think I did Ray. I stirred things up a bit, and forced some secrets out into the open, but I didn't solve anything."

Ray smiled at him understanding "It's difficult isn't it? Helping someone who doesn't think they need it."

Toby blushed, looking guiltier. "Yes, I guess it is. I'm sorry Ray."

"For what? Being awkward and mistrustful when you were growing up, it's a trait of virtually every teen…"

Ray was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell and Toby took the opportunity to cut in "For taking off, for not listening to you when you said you'd sort out the Benson situation."

"Toby you have nothing to apologize for. But," he nodded to the hall as the doorbell rang again "you're still paying for the Chinese."

There was a genuine laugh from Toby as he disappeared into the hallway to answer the door, and Ray found himself laughing too. He had always felt that Toby had been brought to him solely because of the nature of his research. It was clear now he would be unlikely to ever benefit professionally from his discoveries; Ray doubted it would ever be safe for him to publish any of his work involving Toby. The fact was the research was immaterial now, despite all the rough patches, he'd benefited from having Toby in his life in so many other more important ways. The sleepless nights and stress were most definitely worth it.


End file.
